“She thinks she is all that.” “She can figure it out on her own without my help.” Does this sound familiar? All too often these are the types of sentiments uttered amongst sisters about their fellow black women. Instead of congratulating and lifting each other up, more times than not we tear each other down with disheartening words. At times we say nothing at all, which is worse than speaking negatively. We remain silent while we watch our sisters struggle as they aspire to rise above the stereotypes black women are labeled with everyday. The question I pose is why? Am I truly my sister’s keeper if I break her down more than I build her up?

Fear is one of the many reasons women of color perpetuatethis hurtful behavior. I have witnessed this first hand in the work place. There could be a handful of African American women working for a company and each is determined to hold onto her position or continue to climb the corporate ladder. This externalizes into them being unwilling to offer advice or words of wisdom to those younger than them or new to the company because they fear this intelligent sister may one day take her position. Therefore, they remain quiet, make snide remarks and offer no words of encouragement or correction if they see another sister performing a task incorrectly that they know will lead to a reprimand from the boss. I do not support hand holding in the workplace, but I do feel that the many successful black women out there need to motivate one another. If no one ever motivated you, this should not be used as a reason to be cold to every young sister who aspires to do great things. Instead, you should say you don’t want to be like one of those women who turned their backs on you when all you were seeking was a bit of direction on your path to success.

In all actuality, if you are excellent at what you do then there is no reason for you to fear a young sister coming up. If you do eventually get replaced it may just mean it is time to move on to bigger and better things. It is sad when young black women have no choice but to go to women of other races or men for mentorship or advice about their careers because they already know that the women who reflect them on the outside would not give them the time of day.

Another major reason for the hating and backbiting amongst one another is insecurity. It is often said that black women take out their insecurities on the men in their lives, but they also take it out on each other on a daily basis. Why is it that any time I am walking on the street and compliment another sister about her hair or outfit I receive a look of shock before she utters the words, “thankyou.” It is indeed sad that we are more accustomed to receiving dirty looks and the infamous rolling of the eyes from one another that when we are greeted with kind words it takes us by surprise. Belittling someone else is not the way to build self esteem, yet it is a practice thatmany black women have mastered.

When you look in the mirror you should see beauty, strength, intelligence and inspiration. When you see a young sister trying to better herself you should see these same traits. Instead of trying to hinder her growth, you should be part of the community that fosters it. Am I my sister’s keeper? The answer is, “yes.”