Guest Blog // Let it Burn- By Lady Complex

Written by Lady Complex /// Find in Love, Sex, Etc

Two years had passed since we had the huge fight that ended the relationship. Well, according to me that's what ended it, not the fact that he was seeing someone else. We would've made it further if I didn't catch him in the bed with who is now his baby's mother on a cold Christmas Day. It seems to have been a shorter than two years due to the fact that we were still sleeping with each other. Our physical compatibility and attraction was still alive, despite that we both were in other relationships. I lost count of the text messages and the random "before he/she comes home" phone calls, which often ended in a couple minutes of phone sex.

Sex was even better while we were broken up than when we were a couple. We had been having sex for so long after, I developed the "dog mentality". You know, get mine and go, pull up my thong, yell "bye" while walking out the door. I had finally learned how to separate the mental and emotional from the physical. Or so I thought.

He had a way with my body like no one else. So, when a weekend trip to his town was suggested (courtesy of him), I couldn't wait to get my back beat in. The sex was immeasurable. When we connected, no one or nothing was a thought. He was my first, so he knew exactly how to handle me, and damn, was I handled. His hands were all over my body at once and so was his mouth. Sure, we had sex beau-coup timed before, but this was love making.

After a long night with no sleep, it was time for check out. He planned a nice breakfast before my flight left. We laughed and talked so much that we didn't even finish our food. Even on the way to the airport he grabbed my hand in the car. I gave him a look and he responded, "Ashley, don't kill the moment." I just giggled sarcastically and left him be. He got my bags out of the car, walked around to me and smacked me on the ass, and said "Thank you for the night." As I turned to walk away, he grabbed my arm and gave me the longest kisses (tongue included) I have ever had. It felt so funny, it wasn't suppose to be this way.

The flight was long as hell, I read my magazines, and eventually lost count of how many times "Like You'll Never See Me Again" was repeated on my iPod. I drifted into a light sleep reminiscing of the hours before. Every time I pictured what happened, I felt myself contracting. Then, I found myself questioning if I was reaching too much? Was I still in love with him? And why is he continuing to pursue this type of relationship with me? Why is he keeping me, he can have sex with anyone (if not his girlfriend), so why me? Where we both still emotionally connected?

I had little time to consider calling him before I returned home to my boyfriend. Well, I knew I would call him, but what would I be calling for? I swallowed my pride and let whatever roll off my tongue. "Okay, I made it. And are you still in love with me?" The cost of that call was equal to my heart being sent through an incinerator. Burning flames. I never felt so vulnerable. Clearly, I wasn't prepared for what his answer may be and of course his answer wasn't what I thought it would be. The 2 hour call consisted of blaming one another for our downfall, crying, laughing, agreeing, disagreeing, agreeing to disagree, and a dial tone.

I learned a lesson that cost me 2 years of infidelity to my boyfriend, a broken heart, and the best sex I ever gave someone who didn't appreciate it. I'd definitely pay that cost again if it meant I would appreciate my self-worth a whole lot more. If there was anyone to blame, its me. I could've ended this long before and far after. However, I am in a place I have never been if it wasnt for learning from him.

Signed,

Lady Complex

Writer/ Lifestyle Blogger

www.myladycomplex.com